Consider this

I know a whole bunch of single people. People who are not in a relationship. Some who have just gotten out of one, some who have never been in one, some who are in something but which is not a relationship and some who I don't know but are single - so I suppose these people don't fall in the "I know a whole bunch of single people" category - but in the "I know Of a whole bunch of single people as well" category. I've heard their stories.

I am not a single person. I haven't been a single person, since, forever. So, there it is - their grass and my grass and the question on quality of / intensity of greenness arises.

My side:

I have been dating the boy who is now my fiancé for six years - completed tomorrow. It's been a crazy six years and we finally achieved what we feel to be an equilibrium state in our relationship where things are going good. Then we decided to get married because it made sense. We had been together very long, we didn't want to not be together ever - ta da. Of course, then comes the (awaited) panic strike. "Boy, I will not be with another person, (again)". Now the 'again' is in brackets because I have never really been with anyone else to start off with. So, this automatically makes me the center of the usual question: Wow, are you sure about this, you will never date another person? No more for you. You are an aun.. I'll stop there.

Well. I'm an easy person to freak - and this type of blah de dufus does get me thinking. Oh boy.

Their side:

The entire world has opened up / has been open for a while, for them. It works fine for those who aren't looking for a relationship - they just cruise along, have their fun, free of responsibility, of serious thoughts on where to be, how to grow up elegantly and how to not kick and scream as the last light of childhood blinks a couple of times and disappears. (Ok looks like we're still on my side).

However, it's impossible to not think of where your life is going. Who will you meet. Will you meet that one person who makes you go "HELLO THERE" followed by some preferred music and a couple of dance moves by your heart. Will you will you will you. It would be fine if only 'will you' was the question - the more crash and burn question is 'what if you don't'.

India isn't quite your wonderland for single people, it seems to be extremely difficult to get anything going. Again, this is only based on what I've heard my friends tell me. Well, to meet someone you need a place - a situation - a comfort zone where anybody there is looking for something similar. Usually, you would suggest a pub. A nice drinking place. But the general mindset doesn't allow a comfort zone creation even in a pub. The probability of rejection is overwhelming.

Ok forget pubs, meet friends through friends through friends. That does work. But then, you need to carry along all your life's worth of luck with you.

Workspace - mostly, a bad idea.

College - the easiest place to find someone. They are forced to see you day after day. It is never one of those - oh I'll never see this person again let me get all nervous act like a fool and lose the chance forever. You can take your time, make your move. Especially in a university like mine - which was situated in a village and you spent five years with the same people - it works. However, if you have the luck of being stuck in a college where absolutely noone is compatible - pfeh.

All in all - its one giant (and seemingly frustrating) effort.

GREENNESS:

Ok so the proverb goes " the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side ". I don't know about that. I know some people who would love to be on my side - yet most of them are also glad they aren't here yet.

I'm happy being on my side. I don't care much for grass anyway. I'm more a sand and beach sort of person. and my view is looking good.

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breathe deep

I don't want to be taken there. I want to be there, now. I want to be where the weather is chilled, but not freezing. Where the sun is shining through and the air feels crisp and delicious. I want to sit there, on the lawn. I want to lie down, look up at green green green trees. I want to hear birds, I want to hear the rustle of leaves, the breeze, I want to hear nothing more. 

I want to lie there, endlessly, taking it all in. Feel happy, free. Feel alive and well. Then I will smile and you will know, that you want to be there with me. 

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Photo(s) of the (Tues)day

granted - I did sexy it up a bit online. But I really like this photo. Here's the original as well.

and some more from that day. un sexied up.

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sniff.

Apparently,

Well... I heard

her name is Sheila.

Sheila ki jawani.

and she's too sexy for me.

She wont be mine. She simply wont be mine.



I feel pretty sad about that. Pretty sad.

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Disappear off the face(book) of the earth (haha)

There have been few times in my life when I've felt like I wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. Remember Sita - remember how she felt when Rama doubted her fidelity for the third time. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her.

Well, I suspect that the current day Sita would satisfy herself by deactivating her facebook account. That's about as close as you can get to disappearing safely nowadays. 

_____

Hah, read this again and realised you guys may get the wrong idea about why I quit FB (in any case I'm back again so this is redundant) but I did because I got a little sick of how I've started feeling on FB. and

well another post another day. 

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wonderbot's got a new post guys. please to check if interested in what my Monday went like.

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An Idea can Change your Life

An Idea can also Ruin your life, stupid Abhishek Bacchan. Why don’t you tell people that ha? An Idea can f.ing kill it for you. It could be the end of your entire (difficultly achieved) understanding of happiness. It is the most dangerous and sly amongst all the causes of absolute despair and dead-ends.

You know – your brain is like a monkey. Well, I’m not entirely sure if monkeys behave this way – but I have heard that cap story. You know, there’s the cap seller who takes rest under a tree and the monkeys come and take away all his caps. He jumps around trying to get it back, but it doesn’t work. Then he takes the cap off his head and throws it to the ground, and all the monkeys do the same. Hmm.

Actually, I’m not sure whether the brain is like a monkey. The point is, the more you tell yourself, your brain, not to think of something – not to think of doing something, calling someone, seeing somebody, saying – talking – being – feeling – whatever it may be, the opposite - that is exactly what it does.

Have you seen Inception? Well watch it. It really proves my point. It shoves and pushes it off the highest building till the point is splattered in a bloody mess all over the pavement below. It does the trick.

Leo Dicaprio. He plays around with Ideas. Ideas which changes lives. He plants an idea in his wife’s head. An idea that their world isn’t real. That her world isn’t real. He thinks (f. Right, he doesn’t think) that this would help her to end this life in the dream world and come back to reality. He doesn’t realise (dumbf..k) that this idea would plant, grow, grip, strangle his dear wife. She cant shake it. It catches hold of her. She cannot get rid of the idea that every world she enters is not real.

Well. Leo. Well done. She dies. (or does she etc etc - but thats another story). YOU GET MY POINT ANYWAY. ARGH

What can I say – once an idea gets in your head – the kind that is definitely not good for you – it is very difficult to chuck it out. Very difficult. The better it is for your life – the faster it slips along. The worse it can do – the harder it holds on.

I want to shoot the TV when that Idea ad plays again.

Shoot it. There’s a good idea.

and it’ll be gone soon.  


-------------------




After writing this post I went back to reading the Ramayana. and there she was - Kaikeyi. The book says, she loved Rama more than she did her own son. She was Thrilled that he was to be king. Then came her hunched old maid - Manthara. She planted a seed in her mind - an idea in her head. That her son and she would be ruined if Rama was to be king. It grew, it took over and the rest is history. or, well, in this case,  mythology. 

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In da Mood

I like flash games and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny
when you have some work, some irritating thing
and your boss is in your face
you get

sprung?

Ok, I was hoping to make glorious poetry on the tune of 'Baby Got Back - Sir Mix a Lot'. But, clearly, I am no Sir Mix a Lot. I could be

Miss Talk a lot.
Miss Whine a Lot.
Miss who flashes her Fake Smile a Lot

Miss Bitch a Lot
Miss Crib a Lot
Miss Eat and Sing and Sleep a Lot

Miss Want a Lot
Miss Got a Lot
Miss Shop Non-Stop and Spend a Lot

Miss Write a Lot
Miss Rhyme a Lot
Miss still ain't no Sir Mix a Lot

I'm a rockstar.

What's up Guys - Long time no post. No long post. No post worth its weight in wood. Decent wood, not the very expensive wood.

As you may have noted - I'm in a mood.

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Buh

I want a burger
I want a bur ger
I want a buh rger
I want a
buh,
forget it.

I want to go home.

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:)

Yesterday - my boyfriend became my fiancé by the sweetest proposal I could have hoped for.

and the nicest ring.

Goes to show me that I can plan things out in my head all I like, attempt to construct and control every moment of my life but sometimes it may be wise to trust someone else with me.

I had my real princess moment, and I'm well and way over the moon. There are very few times when you can honestly say 'that was perfect' - usually with food, sometimes with music, and sometimes in life.

Yesterday was perfect.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

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Photo(s) of the (Mon)day

exhaust
sheet
you look beautiful together

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lesson #4

Everybody who loves you
is almost always right about you

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te amo

I will be the beans, and darling
I will be the rice too
I will be the big cheese,
All wrapped up in a burrito

I will be your Chimichanga baby
I love you

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LOVE

Grapes are yummy, so are oranges. I love grapes and oranges. I could eat them all day.
Papaya with lime and sugar.

I love papaya with lime and sugar.

I love pineapple juice. It makes me happy. I prefer canned to fresh though.
I also love pineapple in my pizza.

I love mutter paneer. I love paneer all soft and yummy. I love paneer tikka I love paneer makhanwala I love paneer parathas.

I love onion parathas. I love onion parathas you get at the dhabha near my college, with the chunky raita. I love chunky raita with chunky tomato pieces chunky curd bits and cucumber. All salty juicy yummy goodness I love it.

I love chinese food all salty yummy sweet sour madness. I love pakchoy. I love bamboo shoots. I love curry

I love curry, I love thai green curry, thai any curry, morrocan broth or spanish stew I love it. I love broths. I love it with nice fluffy light steamed white rice. I love rice

I love it with sambar, with rasam, with curd. I love curd rice.

I love curd rice with pickle, mango pickle, lime pickle, tomato pickle. I love pickle.

Its so easy to love food. I love it.

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Sicko

I've fallen sick. I feel miserable and want nothing more than to curl up and lie still. I woke up, had a bath and then started feeling absolutely pathetic. Then came the decision of whether to head to work or not. I knew I had a lot of work. So I just sat down for a few minutes, attempted to convince myself that I am not sick at all, and then stepped out.

Went down and into bright bright burning sunshine. Realised this was a bad idea. Walked back to my elevator.
Then stopped. Called my mom, to ask her what I should do. My mom who is sitting cities away, had to make my decision.

She didn't pick up. Walked back to get a taxi. Stopped. Tried my mom again. Tried my boyfriend. He picked up, told me to not go if I feel that horrid. Agreed with him, and hopped into a taxi and gave directions to my work place.

About ten minutes in the taxi, asked him to turn back and drop me home. He did. My mom called, told me to go to work as maybe the work would distract me from feeling this bad - as there did not seem to be any specific reason for me to be sick. Ok. By now, I was back outside my apartment.

Went to the chemist. Picked up some tablets, all ready to head home and get some rest. Hopped into a taxi and gave him directions to work.

Reached work. Felt sick. Ran for a call. Felt sick. Tried working on a document, felt sick. Tried eating some lunch. Finally, that did it. I could barely think straight or move right. Decided to head home.

Headed home.
At home. Feeling miserable and sick.


This could have been easier you think, but it seldom is with me.


Any time I feel sick, I feel like I'm being punished for something I've done wrong. Usually I succeed in identifying the so-called wrong thing. This time, no clue. So maybe I'm not being punished. I just want to sleep, but I have work. Work that needs to be addressed, finished, sent and reviewed.

I think I may have fever.

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On the true meaning of “the suspense is killing me”

I am not a patient person. I am physically and mentally incapable of waiting for anything. 

I cannot wait for a taxi for more than five minutes before I start losing my temper. Before I start tapping my foot till it hurts. Before I go "ARGH" in my head a couple of times. Before I go "ARGH" out loud a couple of times. 

I cannot wait for my food for more than half hour after I have ordered it. Not without grabbing at my stomach and exclaiming "I'm Hungry!" out loud every two seconds. Involuntarily, believe it or not. 

I cannot give a print out of 100 pages and wait for the printer to finish choking on every other page before spitting out my entire copy in more or less one piece. I cannot do that without attempting to hurt it physically, almost expecting it to go "ouch". Then stroking it where I hit it, by way of an "Oh all right I'm sorry. Now come on". 

When I turn a laptop or computer on, I cannot sit still and wait for it to wake up in ease. I must click. Type. Tap the screen. Jam the damn thing till I'm forced to shut it down against its will and try the whole process over again. 

I cannot wait two seconds for my tube light to flicker on - I need to turn it on and off three times in the hope that that somehow helps it make its decision to give me light. 

The word "Loading" makes me clench my fist. The words "Loading, please wait" make me clench tighter.

Because, I cannot wait. 

I want everything now. If I know about something, it needs to happen immediately. I am spoilt rotten you think? Well, maybe so. But I am incapable of waiting. 

The suspense depresses me, plays with my head, sinks me down in deep sorrow and frustration and then finishes me off for good. Killer suspense. 

Well, will let you know soon enough what has been causing me so much trouble that I was pushed to write this post - why I've been away this long and what next. I have a problem with suspense - I don't suppose you do. So wait.

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Are you where you should be?

Last week I was in London. For the entire week. I went for some corporate training course and extended that into a very nice short holiday in an incredible city. It was a perfect trip because, unlike my other holidays abroad, I was able to get a taste of pretty much everything. 

We stayed in a 'studio apartment' of a cousin of a husband of a friend of mine. Well, it was called that but looked nothing like the image that may have sprung to your mind at the mention of those words. It was a small apartment. It had all the basics. It was cramped yet could have been easily categorised as comfortable accomodation for two if the furniture could be re-arranged (read: thrown out) a bit.  

So I got a taste of staying in an actual (suburban) residential neighbourhood. 

We had to travel all the way from Ealing Broadway to Canary Wharf to get to the office where we had our training. 'We' being me and my friend whose husband's cousin's studio apartment we were staying in. In order for you to appreciate what I mean by 'travel all the way', here: 

\

So yup. I got to travel a long distance to work like any regular peter in London. All wrapped up and un-wrapped in the hot tube, wrapped up on way to work, unwrapped in office. so on. 

Then, since the visit wasnt the usual - oh stay for four days and see all there is to be seen of London (that is in a tourist guide / recommended on the internet / printed on the souvenir tshirt we bought too early) - I got to actually eat out at pretty normal places, go to a musical, hang out with some friends, get tired, get sleepy and head home to watch some tv and crash. 

I lie. I never watched tv - well except for the most unfunny version of whose line is it anyway (British) which I watched every morning. 

So while living what felt like would have been my normal life had I lived in London, I constantly wondered if the city was for me. 

Well. It was perfect. The roads. The trees. The sky. The houses. The office. The places to visit. To be in. Everything was perfect. 

Too fucking perfect.

For instance. While we were travelling to Canary Wharf, we need to take the 'District Line' followed by a switch to the 'Jubilee Line'. But, there was some sort of massive reconstruction something something happening with the underground - so - as a result the Jubilee F.ing Line kept going off service. So, one such time, we found ourselves in an over crowded Bank station. The announcements are repetitive and basically telling everyone to stay calm and walk on the right hand side of the station. 

Noone. Made. A. Sound.

Nothing. Not one complaint. Not one extra heavy sigh. No tch. No fahk. Nothing.

It was like ZOMBIELAND. They formed their line, they waited, walked, stood, and stared. 

I could have screamed.

It was then I realised that perfect was not my thing. I disliked perfect. Made me want to lash out. To dirty. To tear. To break something. I could not wait to get home.  

However, after I got back - to smelly and hot Bombay - I was not entirely sure about London. About the great Abroad. I felt pretty certain I belonged in India, but I wanted a defining moment. A clear stamp. 

--

I am at work - its 11pm - and an associate offered me some Vada Pav. 

I bit into it and I knew quite easily. I got my stamp and my defining moment. Home is where the food that makes me happy is. It was spicy and yummy. My entire time in London I couldve cried for lack of food that made me remotely satisfied. Here it was. In plenty. 

Food you love 

Family you love

Get them both to the same place

and you'll be happy.

Ok maybe not you. but me. yup

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In the loo

ok so tell me what you think