If you know where this is going,
how about you don't tell me
I opt out of knowing
what comes next

Have you seen that movie
the terrible one with Nick
Nicolas Cage
Where he sees a few minutes into the future

how delightfully daft.


Now, separately

Having friends, and knowing you have friends
are not the same thing

how about you shut up,
and let me talk.

If I reach out to you
know that there is a reason
I am not pure, or good or perfect
there is always some reason

but do not assume anything

do you trust me
why, yes Aladdin, I do.

Now, separately

Have you experienced love
Do you know it when it hits you.
Oh come on, if it Hit you,
it has to be love.

or drugs and alcohol.
those hit you as well.

But love,
boarding a train to Disneyland.

thank you for taking me again
now that I'm tall enough
to be allowed on Space Mountain
you must love me

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and I wonder, if you could be my friend.

 

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don't get me wrong.  I've been staring at this (web)page for a long long time. I intended to write. I really did.

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Focus

How about spending all day only listening to music. Green Day, its been a long time since I listened to a lot of Green Day. How about spending a week on painting a something. Cooking a feast, a whole feast to feed who. I could make cupcakes, I have that book of cupcakes.

Focus on work.

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Certainty

There is one certainty.

Lets rephrase. There may be many certainties, you may be certain your dog has pooped on your sofa, you may be certain that it is going to rain, you may be certain that your neighbour is a serial killer.. amongst these, there is one certainty - everyones got issues.

The problem is (not the one problem, one of the many problems), that nowadays everyones always looking like theyre doing something wildly exciting with their lives. Not everyone at the same time - but a large number of people you knew and believed to be as normal and day-to-day as you - you see them on instagram, on facebook on top of a bunch of other places and they're telling you, they're sometimes telling the whole world - Hai, I have most exciting life.

There was a time where you just grew up, studied well, got a good job, got married, had babies, focussed on them and your work, life went by. I mean, the certainty still applies - everyone had issues - but one of them wasnt knowing or feeling that there is at least 20 other things you could be doing with your life that would make you happy.

You think it would make you happy - and it might, make you happy.

I'm just saying - you can get carried away by it, throw away all that you have (which is far easier if you dont have much to start off with) and go blindly after that alternate life - or you can just tell yourself - there is one certainty.

There is one certainty, and then go back to focussing on the life you've shaped for yourself and minimising the issues you have.

and to answer your question (ok you didnt ask it, I did), would I trade my life with the Kardashians? No way, they have some massive issues.

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How

If you type "how to" on google - the first four results are

how to get pregnant
how to kiss
how to make pizza
how to lose weight.

weird ha.

how to pull a rabbit out of a hat
how to put a rabbit back in a hat
how to change the way I think
how to change the way he feels
how to find the right job
how to get a lot of money
how to keep a lot of money
how to spend a lot of money
how to not care about money
how to feel satisfied
how to make your dreams come true
how to make disney make cartoons like it used to
how to make mani ratnam make movies like he used to
how to keep kamal hasan young forever
how to get suriya to leave his wife for you
how to not get angry
how to not ruin a good thing
how to keep busy
how to find time
how to be happy

:)

 

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Another post with some photos

This is inside a shop called Ganesh Emporium in Udaipur. It is by far the most fun tiny little shop I have been to. I could have spent a long long time in there. He had everything from old books to old photos to random magnets and stickers and jewellery and small paintings he'd made himself to chinese artifacts to posters to astrology charts to you-name-it-we-got-it.

We picked up some miscellaneous miscellaneous miscellaenous. This was after a nice lunch on a roof top towering above the old city and before a long walk to a jetty. It was just a really nice day.

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A post with a photo

At long last, here is a post with a photograph.

This was taken in old city, Udaipur. Old city. You wonder where most of these firang movies get their idea of India from. Well I don't know about you, I definitely used to wonder. Where it is that the streets are so tiny, the houses so colourful and matchboxy, where cows and motorcycles go rampant  and ride about in an almost-kill-anyone-in-their-way, way, where people sit about in countless tiny temples and chit chat. It's here, in old city, Udaipur.

I fell in love with the place. Granted, in an I don't want to live here forever but I will keep visiting you at every possible opportunity way.


 

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Deegraday.

deg·ra·da·tion (dgr-dshn)

n.

1. The act or process of degrading.

2. The state of being degraded; degeneration.

3. A decline to a lower condition, quality, or level.

4. Geology A general lowering of the earth's surface by erosion or weathering.

5. Chemistry Decomposition of a compound by stages, exhibiting well-defined intermediate products.

6. Computer Science The state in which a computer operates when some of its memory or peripherals are not available.

 

deg. ra. da. tion (dee grah day shun)

 

I am in a state of degradation.

of body and mind. I would add soul to this list, but difficult to say about that really.

 

Body, sitting for hours in front of my computer or hunched over countless nonsense papers and figures and words and flow charts and presentations and policies and kaka pee. I can feel myself crumbling, become older by years by the days.

 

Mind, well, you've seen this blog, what do you think.

 

My house condition has also degraded, increasing number of things broken, dirty, dusty and stuff growing on all vegetables in fridge (ugh).

 

HOW TO MAKE THIS RIGHT MAN.

Jeez.

 

I need a break. I need to start doing something about all of this. I'll get back to you on this a month from now. If I'm not worse off degraded by then.

 

 

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jungle wisdom.

As I sit working on one pointless piece of advice, agreement, report after another

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life

Shut up Baloo, what the hell do you know.
Everything costs money, and money does not grow on trees.

He might have a point though,
maybe its time to dial it down
not all the way down to jungle book standards
but down, before all sanity flies out the window

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you

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MOB BABY

It might be sort of cool to have a child who is a mob boss.

You'd be all, Monu don't make me come over there
and Monu, otherwise in the middle of a conversation over a man's life, will stop
come over, and eat rotis off your hand with that MOTHERS LOVE IS BEST look while gun shots
go off in the background.

Its endearing is it not.

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Future

Since I can't go out there and do my own thing,
can't bring myself to pursue my true calling (as I believe it to be)
Here's what I'll do

I'll pop one out, have a baby that is.
I'll bring it up
and I'll beat it if it refuses to draw
and be a creative genius.

I'll beat you, you understand.

 

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Come out Dr. Hyde,
you know how much I love you.
 

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Small talk with someone up there.

So everyone has problems. No really, its true. It is actually Not just you out there battling the worlds woes .

While that should be a comforting thought, it seldom is. You can tell yourself about people who barely have enough food for one meal a day or barely enough clothes to keep them covered, let alone warm - but ultimately

Your problems are your problems and they mean the world to you.

They seem all consuming, snacking away on your happiness and spraying large or small doses of perspective on them does not always make them go away.

I believe in God. Some people believe in someone else up there. Some dont. Well, I do and as a result of that I am always looking upstairs for answers. For someone to give me some sign that everything is going to be ok.

Once someone told me this story about Krishna (yes the one in the Gita, not your neighbour): apparently one of his devotees got through to him one day (either by tapas or by knocking on his door post his time here) and asked him why he doesnt just appear on earth and show everyone he exists - this might give people hope and help them move on. His answer, apparently (no real way of confirming here) was that he does appear but noone believes it could be him because he isnt wearing all of GRT Thangamaligai (famous Chennai gold shop) on him, with eight hands weilding miscellaneous accessories, including ofcourse a chakra.

There is ofcourse this other story (told to me by my school principal in London on my first day there): this man's house is getting flooded and he's repeatedly going God will save me. A bunch of firemen come his way, he refuses their help - people in boats come his way, he says take a hike - some helicopters come to pick him up, he shows them the finger (well some such thing) - then he dies. He goes up to heaven (or wherever) and asks God, 'why didnt you save me boss?' and God says, well I sent a bunch of firemen, boat guys and helicopters... This fellow ofcourse, felt like a fool at that point.

Anyway. The last few days at work have been fuckall and I am at my wits end - I cant really go on about what else has been bugging me. But, this morning, I finally open these set of notes my friend has scanned over to me on a matter I have NO time to work on. These notes have been taken on these lame diary sheets - and while these usually say things like "Wake up early, sleep early, be a beauty" (not quite but you get it), I get:

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their ingenuity.

Remember that not getting what you want, is sometimes the blessing.

Again, difficult to say how this applies to my life right now - but lets say

Problem: What should I have for breakfast?
Answer: You should have fried eggs with whole wheat toast with some ketchup and tobasco sauce on the side.

Thats about how clear that message was.

Thanks for the talk. Let me give this another go then.

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Rolling in the Deep

I assume by now pretty much everyone has heard this song. But, have you seen the video?