Good Day

My biggest fear is probably that I might be mental. or heading there. or somehow it will sneak up on me and I will be branded completely crazy. or that I will develop a split personality which will go about tearing up my pillows and killing my cat (I dont have a cat).

My second and somewhat connected fear is that I am inherently evil. That I will turn out like the people I despise - because I am inherently evil and a hypocrite. I feel convinced I dont have a single good bone in my body. Not in a cruella deville way - I wont peel up puppies etc. More, of how little I care about anyone but myself - like a, like a tamil serial mother in law.

My third and unconnected fear is of death, dying. In painful or unpainful ways. Feh, everyone's got that going. right?

However, on good days I feel untouched by any of the above. I feel straight, sensible, good and unafraid.

Today is a good day - let me make the most of it.

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Where have I been

In Bangalore, for the most part.

I have moved from Bombay to Bangalore in an attempt to make sense of my life in a manner that isnt extreme or unthoughtout. I know that is not a word, but this is my blog.

As much as I would like to say THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION EVER, it was not the best. But it was a good decision all the same.

I have a nice house (come see it, if you know me)
I have some nice friends (some borrowed, some cultivated)
I have some more time in my hands (enough to make me feel like I dont live to earn money endlessly)

This city has trees, its so green (more so because my sunglasses have a green tint)
It has gardens, and very bright sunshine

The auto drivers are crazy
They have this pent up angerenergy
Takes just the tiniest thing to piss them off
To make them scream, like you've driven a knife through their skull
(is that possible, I feel squeamish imagining it)
Makes you wonder though - how frustrated must they be, with their lives and their autos.
All that time spent in traffic, earning nothing more by the minute.
I daydream of ways in which the autos and rest of humanity can find a way for peaceful co-existence
Make me king, I'll tell you

I have guava juice every morning in office. I would rather be having pineapple juice, but guava is better than litchee and even lytchee litchee?, even that is better than no juice.

Something is missing though.

Maybe a trip to Wonderla will sort that out.

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Come here

In our search for soul mates, search for the perfects
I am searching for that one girl
You are searching for the right song
We search for that right street, with the crisp cold zing air
The right country, the perfect home
That elusive job, which doesn't tire us, or destroy our dreams

Maybe we don't search, we just yearn
Helpless or lazy, sitting here yearning
Almost tasting our happiness
Moved to tears by the perfects we see
Just out of our reach

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Today

I'm in a good mood
make the most of it
ask me for a free meal
ask me for a movie ticket

don't tell me I don't look good
don't tell me I don't sound right
don't go spoiling my good mood
I'll get damn pissed, and we'd fight

the fight would not end well,
you can count on it.
I'll make you pay for the meal
and the movie ticket.

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HOOBASTANK

Life Update

I have been sick for one and half weeks. Make that almost two weeks. I finally feel better today.
My one and half, no, two week sickness - my two week sickness made me super grumpy and on the whole upset about life. Nothing new there. But, it has also made me QUEEN OF ASSASSIN'S CREED.

cough*

We bought an Xbox. with Kinect.

----

I just discovered that Shift+x doesn't work in my laptop. What..why. I don't imagine it's an often used combination on my keyboard. TIME FOR A NEW.. ok no. I'll get it fixed. Ok, someone will get it fixed.

cough*

----

On other breaking news, DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) entered my house on a covert mission - through an unimaginably small opening in the window - and shat all over the place. But, Thank You DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) for not shitting on my TV, or my xbox, or my futon or anything fancy. Thank you.

But, if you ever come back, I'll Kill Ya...Kill ya... kill ya (if you have not watched The Lion King, shoot yourself)

----

I ate some suspicious tasting peanut chikki thing. Apparently one bad peanut can spoil the whole lot. How unfortunate. I also ate some jackfruit chips - I'm not a big fan though. But one bad jackfruit cannot spoil the whole lot. Well, except the lot made from that jackfruit. I like jackfruit ice cream though.

Why has my cook not come today. Why.

----

I was watching the National Geographic channel (only because it is one of the seven HD channels we get - which includes STAR GOLD) and they were showing a piece on IKEA. That's when I realised. I want to work in IKEA. I'm not saying it's my dream job, but lets just say - that would have been a great idea. I could have designed furniture. Furniture bought the world over (barring some). I could've sat there and discussed furniture ideas with other furniture designers in a good climate location in Europe or some place. The work place would have been fancy and comforting and I don't suppose there are ever any FURNITURE DESIGNING EMERGENCIES which require me to work overnight.

I'm just saying, it looked like a happy place.

----

I have never used a sleeping bag in my life. I wouldn't know if they are comfortable or not. I have slept on mattresses laid out on the floor. Is it the same thing?

----

I'm turning 25 soon.

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Holiday Jollyday

Today is a holiday
oh I could just sing

but the neighbours may not like that
then again, I put up with their shit

Today is a holiday
oh I could just dance, and shout and be me r r y
what a feeling
a holiday
in the middle of the week

The whole day lies in front of me
I can just eat shop and watch TV

and now I have tata sky HD
which makes me all the more happy

to be here
at home
alone
on a wonderful HOLIDAY

ok I miss you come back

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Dignified what.

I wish I had the ability to maintain a dignified silence.
I don't have that ability and I can't fake it.
I would come across so much cooler (or so it seems) in any adverse situation, if I knew how to just stop talking post a point.

Example:

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Cool Me: ----
Irritating Person: EY MAN, I SAID YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE
Cool Me: Blink, -----
Irritating Person: HEY WHAT. useless.
Cool Me: Smirk.

But No.

I'm a screamer. I get angry, worked up and before I can get to framing a complete sentence in my head composing what my feelings are any given moment, its gone out of my mouth.

So it goes

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Me: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE AND SO IS YOUR DOG
Irritating Person: (looks wounded) Timmy is not bad ok.
Me: WHATEVER I DON'T CARE. NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

stomp
stomp
stomp

Sometimes, it is Not a bad thing. In fact, I wouldn't say that my behaviour in this respect has ever gotten me into any significant trouble.

But it just seems so much more stress-free to just be calm and maintain a dignified silence.

Never.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad