goa, humbug.

Returning from a really wonderful holiday with an unshakeable sense of - what is it, restlessness? listlessness (are these words?). Maybe that is what a good holiday is meant to do - shake you up - make you feel different.

I do not feel different in a good way. So, screw you good holiday.

 

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fuel

I operate best on love. I respond best to love. If I love someone, all my interactions with that person are magnified. If I write a letter to someone I love, I write carefully and extensively. The only time I paint anything, is when I paint something for someone I love. All my creative endeavours have ultimately been for love. The only time I am excited about doing anything special or making any specific effort is when there is a person I love involved.

As for the rest, I am terrible. I keep no commitments, do not follow up on any promises. I am, at best, an average version of myself.

It seems to me, if I allow myself .. no, if I push myself to love more people - my own life would be a lot more wonderful.

Does not seem like a terrible idea.

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If I had a tea shop

I would name one of my teas - "Donchu worry Donchu worry Chai"

Hows that, Swedish House Mafia?

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If you know where this is going,
how about you don't tell me
I opt out of knowing
what comes next

Have you seen that movie
the terrible one with Nick
Nicolas Cage
Where he sees a few minutes into the future

how delightfully daft.


Now, separately

Having friends, and knowing you have friends
are not the same thing

how about you shut up,
and let me talk.

If I reach out to you
know that there is a reason
I am not pure, or good or perfect
there is always some reason

but do not assume anything

do you trust me
why, yes Aladdin, I do.

Now, separately

Have you experienced love
Do you know it when it hits you.
Oh come on, if it Hit you,
it has to be love.

or drugs and alcohol.
those hit you as well.

But love,
boarding a train to Disneyland.

thank you for taking me again
now that I'm tall enough
to be allowed on Space Mountain
you must love me

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and I wonder, if you could be my friend.

 

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don't get me wrong.  I've been staring at this (web)page for a long long time. I intended to write. I really did.

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Focus

How about spending all day only listening to music. Green Day, its been a long time since I listened to a lot of Green Day. How about spending a week on painting a something. Cooking a feast, a whole feast to feed who. I could make cupcakes, I have that book of cupcakes.

Focus on work.

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